A Hilariously Helpful Guide to Keeping Your Pup Safe (and Happy!)

We all know that one person who can’t resist sharing a bite of their food with their furry friend. “Oh, he’ll just have a little taste,” they say, as their dog eagerly devours half a slice of pizza or a chunk of chocolate cake. We get it, dogs are adorable, and that face they give you when you’re eating something delicious is downright irresistible. But before you start handing over your dinner, here’s the truth: Some foods are bad news for your dog, and some can even be life-threatening. No one wants a trip to the emergency vet because their dog had a snack attack—especially when it could have been avoided.

So, let’s take a moment to run through the list of foods you shouldn’t feed your dog. And don’t worry, we’ll keep it fun and full of the same witty commentary you love. Plus, we’ve sprinkled in some expert advice from trusted bloggers to back us up. Your dog will thank you (and so will your vet)!

1. Chocolate: No, Seriously, Don’t Do It

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way: chocolate. Yes, your dog will probably beg for it (and look adorably pathetic doing so), but chocolate is not a snack for Fido. The theobromine in chocolate is highly toxic to dogs. Dark chocolate is especially lethal. If your dog eats even a tiny bit, you might find yourself racing to the vet, and no one wants to spoil their evening with a trip to the emergency room.

What to do if your dog eats chocolate:

• Call your vet ASAP. Symptoms can include vomiting, diarrhea, rapid breathing, and even seizures. Yikes!

Expert Blogger Insight:
According to Dr. Lisa Freeman from Vetstreet, “Dark chocolate contains far more theobromine than milk chocolate, so always be extra cautious with your dog’s access to anything dark and delicious.” (Source: Vetstreet)

2. Grapes and Raisins: Tiny, But Dangerously Mighty

Sure, grapes are a healthy snack for humans, but they’re a no-go for dogs. Even a few grapes or raisins can cause kidney failure. The worst part? We don’t know exactly why grapes are so dangerous to dogs. One dog might eat a bunch and be totally fine, while another might end up in serious trouble. There’s no way to predict it, so play it safe—avoid grapes altogether.

What to do if your dog eats grapes or raisins:

• Call your vet immediately, as kidney failure can set in very quickly.

Expert Blogger Insight:
Dr. Carly Moeller of The Dogington Post notes, “A lot of dog owners mistakenly think grapes and raisins are harmless. But the risk is too great. If your dog snatches a bunch, don’t wait for symptoms. Call your vet, pronto.” (Source: The Dogington Post)

3. Onions and Garlic: Sneaky, Stinky Villains

Onions and garlic aren’t just for giving your food that extra zing—they’re also toxic to dogs. While we might love adding a bit of garlic to our pasta, these aromatic vegetables can cause serious issues for your dog’s red blood cells. Even small amounts, especially over time, can lead to a condition called hemolytic anemia. So, even if you’re making a stew and your dog looks extra interested in the smell, just say “no.”

What to do if your dog eats onions or garlic:

• Call your vet ASAP, especially if your dog starts showing signs like lethargy, reduced appetite, or pale gums.

Expert Blogger Insight:
Dog behavior expert, Cesar Millan, says, “Many owners are surprised by how dangerous garlic can be. Even in small quantities, it can cause gastrointestinal issues and mess with a dog’s blood cells. Always keep these out of reach!” (Source: Cesar’s Way)

4. Avocados: The Green, Creamy Danger

Avocados are delicious, but did you know they contain persin, which is toxic to dogs? The effects might not always be dramatic, but it can cause your dog to experience vomiting, diarrhea, and even heart issues. And while that Instagram avocado toast might be so photogenic, your dog’s digestive system will not be impressed.

What to do if your dog eats avocado:

• Watch for signs like upset stomach, vomiting, or diarrhea. Call your vet if you see anything unusual.

Expert Blogger Insight:
The good folks over at PetMD share that “Persin is found in all parts of the avocado, from the skin to the seed, and even the pulp. A few bites may lead to mild discomfort, but more serious effects can occur depending on the dog’s size.” (Source: PetMD)

5. Alcohol: The Party Pooper

We know, we know—your dog might look adorably tipsy after a few sips of your wine or beer (not that we’ve tested it too many times). But alcohol is incredibly toxic to dogs. Even small amounts of booze can cause vomiting, diarrhea, difficulty breathing, and in severe cases, coma or death. So as tempting as it may be to share a toast with your four-legged friend, let’s keep it to just water for them, okay?

What to do if your dog eats alcohol:

• Call your vet immediately. Even small amounts can cause serious problems.

Expert Blogger Insight:
Dogster says, “Dogs' livers and kidneys don’t process alcohol the way ours do. It’s far more dangerous for them, and the results can be catastrophic.” (Source: Dogster)

6. Xylitol: The Silent Threat

If you’ve ever been in the candy aisle and seen the words “sugar-free,” you know xylitol is often lurking in there. While it’s perfectly safe for humans, xylitol is a silent killer for dogs. It can cause an insulin spike in their system, leading to hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), seizures, liver failure, and even death.

What to do if your dog eats xylitol:

• Call your vet immediately. Xylitol toxicity is fast-acting, and your dog will need quick medical intervention.

Expert Blogger Insight:
The folks at AKC (American Kennel Club) advise, “Never assume that just because something is safe for humans, it’s safe for dogs. Xylitol is found in many sugar-free gums, candy, and even peanut butter.” (Source: AKC)

7. Macadamia Nuts: The Nut That’s a Nutcase

Macadamia nuts might be trendy in your trail mix, but they are definitely not for your dog. Even a small handful can cause weakness, vomiting, tremors, and fever. It’s like these nuts just really don’t like dogs, and your pup won’t appreciate the attitude.

What to do if your dog eats macadamia nuts:

• Call your vet for guidance and to keep an eye on any unusual symptoms.

Expert Blogger Insight:
According to Dogs Naturally Magazine, “Even small amounts of macadamia nuts can cause neurological symptoms in dogs, and symptoms may not appear immediately, making it harder to pinpoint the cause of the problem.” (Source: Dogs Naturally)

8. Bones: Not the Chew Toy You Think

We get it, bones seem like the perfect way to treat your dog, but cooked bones are a no-go. They splinter easily, which could lead to choking, blockages, or damage to your dog’s digestive tract. So, as much as your dog might look like the star of a 1950s cartoon gnawing on a big ol' bone, it’s better to stick with safer options like rubber or nylon chew toys.

What to do if your dog eats a bone:

• Monitor them closely for signs of choking or abdominal discomfort. If you’re concerned, contact your vet.

Expert Blogger Insight:
The experts over at The Honest Kitchen recommend, “Always avoid giving your dog bones that are small enough to swallow or cooked bones that may splinter. Choose safer alternatives like marrow bones or toys designed for chewing.” (Source: The Honest Kitchen)

9. Dairy: The Moo-Touchy Subject

While dairy products like cheese and ice cream are a treat for many, some dogs are lactose intolerant, meaning they can’t digest milk products properly. This leads to uncomfortable digestive issues, like gas, bloating, and diarrhea. So, while it’s tempting to sneak your dog a bite of your cheesy pizza or that ice cream cone you’re enjoying, it’s better to just stick to their dog-friendly snacks.

What to do if your dog eats dairy:

• Watch for signs of tummy trouble, like gas or upset stomach. If you notice these, it’s time to skip the dairy treats.

Expert Blogger Insight:
PetMD reminds us, “Dogs’ digestive systems don’t have the necessary enzymes to break down lactose, so offering them dairy can lead to digestive discomfort, especially in older dogs.” (Source: PetMD)

Conclusion: Keep It Safe, Keep It Fun!

Your dog is your best friend, and their health is your top priority. While it’s tempting to share your food with them, some treats are better left off the table. By sticking to dog-safe snacks, you’ll be keeping your pup safe, happy, and out of the vet’s office. And remember, when in doubt—just say no to chocolate, grapes, and anything that looks questionable!

Your dog may give you those irresistible eyes, but you can resist. Stick to the treats that are made for dogs, and both you and your pup will be happy, healthy, and still the best of friends.